It has always been accepted as common sense that if you want somebody to like you, you have to do “what they want you to do” in other words please them, even if it means doing something that you don’t like.
So if a boy sees a girl he likes, he remembers this and goes out of his way trying to please her by carrying her books and buy her dinner and presents. The result? She will not date him but will pretend she like him so that she can continue to enjoy the free dinners and gifts. If he tells her he wants something more she will tell him that she only see him as a friend. She will then go and date a boy who already has other girls running after him.
How is this possible? Aren’t we told that in order to get someone to like us we should please them?
Lets look at another example in the workplace. You want your boss to like you, so you do whatever he asks. You agree with whatever he says and never disagrees. Even when the boss treats you with less respect than you deserve you pretend it didn’t happen, because you don’t want to lose your job. You try to do everything for everyone in the hope that someone will see your worth and like you.
Then someone else comes along who is the total opposite of you. He speaks his mind and doesn’t agree with everything the boss says or anybody else says. He is firm and lets everyone know that is no pushover. if there is something he doesn’t like, he lets the offending person know about it. He doesn’t agree with everything the boss says and offers alternatives. The boss starts treats him with respect, the respect that he doesn’t give you. When it comes to promotions this guy is the person who gets the job. You on the other hand gets nothing, you’re rather the first to be considered when it comes to redundancies.
Here is yet another example. Let’s say you have a really good product that you’re selling. However you don’t want to be pushy so you talk nicely to your prospects hoping that they’ll like you and buy your product. When they tell you about how hard the economy is and give you all kinds of excuses, you agree with them. The only problem is that at the end of the day you’ll leave without making a sale.
This may seem upside down considering the advice we’re given but it really is not. Seems the people giving us this advice don’t really know what they’re talking about.
The truth is that We like people who don’t care what we think of them. We like people who hug the limelight and do the kinds of things that we want to do but are afraid of doing ourselves. We like people who don’t conform and follow their own way, even if we don’t admit it out loud.
On the other hand we dislike people who are weak and indecisive, because they remind us of the part of ourself that we hate and that we don’t want others to know about.
So what we have here is an inner conflict between what our conscious mind says we want or prefer and what we feel deep inside us. But when it comes to choosing most people will choose what they feel deep inside over the rational explanations offered by their conscious minds.
For example a girl who has to choose between a “good” guy who does all kinds of things for her but for whom she feels nothing will invariably choose the boy who stirs all kinds of powerful feelings inside her, even though her conscious mind and friends tell her, “he is no good for you”.
The boss too will choose someone who he admires and respects and who will help take his company forward. He will not consider someone just because this person kiss up to him. We don’t consciously choose who we like because of this and that. It just happens because of the impression someone makes on us.
So as you can see. Being weak serves no purpose. It turns off people and translates into rejection. However, by being strong and being yourself you’ll draw people unto you, even if they may tell you they don’t like you.
This is because people often make certain statements and say things they don’t believe themselves. They hope that by saying it out loud, they will stop the voice within.